Shadow Work - a most misunderstood concept

"Shadows? Its the devil's talk!"

"Good vibes only, man! Love & light ONLY!"

"The shadow? Who are you, batman?"

Welcome to shadow-work: the thing that is about as clearly illuminated as.... well, a shadow.

Psychologically, shadow is the part of yourself that you don't want to admit is part of you, or that is resultant from a quality within you that is bright or prominent enough to appear isolated when it is actually dual.

If you are saying to yourself, "clear as mud", great because my goal is to elucidate this idea so you can:

• Understand the concept of the shadow (unlocking the door into the work).

• Understand what is actually meant by doing "shadow work".

• Understand why the work is so, SO, so so so beneficial. Why it's the main event. Why it's the "superbowl" of the spiritual work.

• Gain the tools to leave this blog page and go discover YOUR OWN shadows for real.

DISCLAIMER;

Please either read none of this, or all of this. The reason is: if misinterpreted, these instructions could result in negative actions that could affect yourself and others. It is vitally important that shadow work is accompanied by an abundance of lightness, love for all beings, and care in action. Under no circumstances should shadow work be used as an excuse to hurt others or yourself; that would be a total misunderstanding of shadow work.

What is the Shadow?

Imagine a beautiful tree. Underneath is the root system, curling through the mud and earth. The taller the tree, the deeper the root. Without the root, the tree cannot stand.

Imagine a businesswoman with the nicest, fanciest cars and the biggest house you've ever seen. Everything she buys a new car, she feels filled with a feeling of superiority. It feels so good for her because every day, a feeling of inferiority plagues her with thoughts of inadequacy and insecurity. This drives her to even greater heights of success at work.

Imagine a highly skilled gamer who plays a battle game online and has millions of viewers. In his shadow, he is a warrior, a gladiator, a soldier. He is putting that shadow side to use when he trains and wins his games.

Imagine a surgeon, who saved a father of five in an emergency heart surgery. Amazing! And yet, the surgeon was able to cut open another human and dissect his insides without batting an eyelash: the same ability as a psychopathic murderer. But - the surgeon is truly a hero.

In all 4 examples, the shadow parts (the parts that are not APPARENT but rather hidden) were KEY elements to their success. The tree could not stand without roots. The businesswoman had energy to succeed because of inadequacy. The gamer is good at war games because of his inner gladiator. The surgeon could save lives because of a detached and uncaring nature.

These are not necessarily good or bad - the point is, they are the realities of each of these living beings. That is a shadow. It is there behind you, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not.

Now, let's look at an example of what may happen if the conscious mind is used to deny a fundamental part of the self - sexuality - and "push it into the shadow" so to speak:

Imagine a devout priest. His order demands a denial of sexuality. Unable to healthily express his sexuality, he wants himself to be innocent, free of his earthly desires which he views as shameful. He molests a young child because the child is innocent. This fulfills his goal to both possess and control innocence, and more deeply this fulfills a desire to destroy the concept of innocence which keeps the priests own sexuality locked in a cage. Deeper still, the destruction of innocence in the physical world reflects the destruction of innocence that is unavoidable in the psyche, since sexuality can never be removed from one's psyche.

The more of ourselves we push into the shadow, the more it will control our lives in unpredictable or disastrous ways. The more we bring the shadow into conscious awareness, the less chaotic it is and the less control it has in our lives.

Now please, I ask you not to read this and think, "ok, my shadow self wants to commit crime X, therefore I shall do crime X." If you ever let the shadow take control and act on it, gravely hurting another, you lose the ability to even discuss shadow work. You no longer get the privilege of grace around the shadow alone - you have to deal with guilt, karma and additional shame, and you can never be totally free of what you've done.

Instead, we must be mature adults to do shadow work. If we find a part within ourselves that wants to commit crime X, we need to both understand that drive within us, while ALSO responsibly & lovingly dealing with the uncomfortable feelings associated AND controlling our outward behavior.

The rules of shadow work

1. Outward behavior can and must be controlled, while inward feelings can only be accepted, and processed (often called "sitting with the feeling").

2. Responsibility must be present before starting work on yourself. If you cannot see the value in behaving kindly to others & doing no harm, you are not ready for shadow work.

3. Life must be somewhat stable for shadow work. If life is too chaotic or conditions are dangerous, mature shadow work will be exceedingly difficult. The feelings and thoughts that arise must be processed in an environment that allows self-reflection.

4. Don't ever mistake a feeling for an inevitability. Your consciousness will only allow you to feel what you can consciously deal with, although at times you may feel overwhelmed. Remember - you are always in control of your behavior, regardless of feelings.

Now that you have those rules, we can discuss the darkness of the shadow without losing touch with our hearts. The reason I'm hammering this in is because in the past I've spoken of shadow work to someone who was deeply confused, and they seemed to take it as encouragement to behave badly. Their folley was mistaking acting on feelings for processing feelings. This is not just a safety disclaimer, its part of the instructions. You will not experience the benefits if you do not actually process the feelings and realizations.

Why is Shadow Work so Beneficial?

The benefits are nearly impossible to summarize. Lets start with the most surface levels.

You know the saying, "we only use 10% of our brains"? Of course, scientifically speaking that isn't true. But in shadow work, it is.

You see, if a portion of you is in the shadow, it means you are not aware of a part of yourself. Hidden amongst these buried aspects of the self are many different skills, abilities, energies and understandings that can be of great benefit to you.

How is this possible? Well, the combinations are probably infinite. Here are a few common ones.

1. Take rage for example. Maybe you suppress your rage because you are afraid of consciously dealing with it. But the rage might bring with it enormous surge of energy which, if channeled appropriately after lovingly allowing the discomfort of the rage to pass thruugh you, could be used to make life-changing moves, or maybe set boundaries or protect yourself from harm.

2. Maybe underneath sexual shame is a potent, powerful sexual energy that, if channeled consciously, could provide the concoction of motivations and courage to court the person you love.

3. Here's a crazy one- what if underneath your self-hatred is actually an enormous care for every living being, you've just forgotten to include yourself in that care! This gift, brought into conscious awareness, yields the most powerful feeling known to humankind - love.

Shadow work is a form of loving the self. Most spiritual guides speak of "self-care" or "self-love". But what is it? Bath bombs and netflix?

Self-love means accepting and understanding all parts of yourself. If you were perfectly self aware, you may find that scattered across the table of your mind are many, many puzzle pieces that you didn't know existed, or pieces that perhaps don't seem to fit the puzzle picture at all. There may be pieces that scare or disgust you - pieces you would rather throw in the fire than try to integrate.

Self love means leaning back in your chair, taking a deep breath, accepting that the pieces are meant for your puzzle, and taking the time to understand their edges and how they fit into the picture of your psyche.

Now, the psyche in reality is infinitely deep, and the process of examining this puzzle seems to be endless. But there is another benefit to this process besides increasing the scope of view of your own psyche. And that is related to "the choice".

As your meditation/reflection practice yields the fruits of accepting and integrating each new part of the self, you will find that the circumstances of your life will both support and challenge you at the same time. What I mean by this is: the support may come in the form of synchronicities, helpful (and occasionally unorthodox) guides & teachers, acts of kindness from strangers, and coincidences that make life better, easier and even magical. The challenge may come in the form of new decisions and lessons that are often related in strange and interesting ways to the very same shadow parts that may be lingering just out of sight, in the twighlight of the psyche.

It is irrelevant whether you believe this is the universe actually responding to your increased awareness, or if you simply view it as the power of the unconscious mind helping arrange your life in more beneficial ways. The bottom line is:

Your life will improve over time as you bring shadow parts into the light of your conscious awareness.

Tools

There really is only one basic tool-self reflection. This can be done when reading, or in meditation, reflecting on your day, while driving, while eating, or while reading this!

The most helpful thing to have immediate realizations is to examine things in your life that either:

1. Trigger you, bother you, annoy you or otherwise ruin your peace.

2. Things that you desire but struggle with obtaining (money and/or sex are common here).

Oftentimes these are signposts indicating hidden (shadow) traits that you have actively been repressing because you don't approve of them.

Lets use the following ultra-common example. Imagine you were a man who has noticed that women tend not to like you. They may be picking up on a hidden sexual agression that even you are scared of within yourself. You always feel awkward around women because you are over-trying to pretend you don't harbor these feelings, which is inauthentic. In fact, someone like this could actually be dangerous in certain situations where the shadow side is enabled to take control - situations where you suddenly receive power over others. The shadow side is childish, untamed, chaotic, and unpredictable, like a beast sealed in a dark basement cage.

So what steps can you take to deal with this shadow trait? What do you do about this inner beast?

STEP 1: Acknowledgement

What you could do is first realize you contain sexual aggression. You can acknowledge it as simply a VERY strong desire.

STEP 2: Acceptance

Sit with this feeling. Allow it to overpower you while you sit there, doing nothing. Remember- feelings are accepted, actions are controlled. We control actions by sitting still. We accept the feelings by doing nothing and letting them be there. EASY! It seems like it might be hard because, well, you've been suppressing this self-knowledge for years. But what you'll find about this step is - the discomfort is over way quicker than you'd think!

Additionally, accept the feelings that surround this realization. Hold space and allow feelings like disgust, embarrassment, and of course the shattering of your self-image. This is almost always involved, since shadow parts have often been suppressed in order to preserve a certain image.

STEP 3: Realize the opposite

For any shadow trait, acknowledge its positive side. In our example, the man has great energy to seek out love. Sexual experiences are powerful and healing, and if channeled properly this sexual energy could yield service to another! You read that right - sex can be a service to others as well as a self-service. It is entirely up to the participants! Consider the positive aspects that could arise from conscious, mutually beneficial use of the shadow traits you find.

STEP 4: Integration

You may think this is hard, but in practice, it is often the easiest - and it is so freeing. This is the step where you now have added awareness of a trait within you, and have considered that it isn't so bad after all. In our example, perhaps you go and speak honestly (and respectfully) to a woman who you have an attraction to. Perhaps she accepts, or perhaps she rejects. Either way, you have allowed this energy to be healthily integrated. It will come more naturally to you now that you're no longer fighting yourself the whole way.

STEP 5: Freedom

You find the beast isn't so scary when you let him into the light, give him some love, pet him, and scratch his ears. Eventually you can hop on his back and ride him across the land. He doesn't pose a danger because he trusts you and listens to your directions. The strength and courage you have for doing this work strengthens you and swells through you. You are healed through the process of self-understanding.

Conclusion

My dear reader, thank you for taking the time to make it through this body of text. I wish you the best in your journey into the realm of the shadow.

Remember the golden rule: Feelings are to be felt, while your actions are always under your control.

The magic of this process is a mystery for you to unfold.